Knowing what abuse is and being able to identify it. Abuse can be very subtle. Any therapy that doesn’t talk about abuse will miss the cause. We need to know this. See the recommended resources page. Alternatively search for narcissistic BPD abuse, love bombing, abusive relationship recovery, trauma bond, manipulation techniques, gaslighting.
Validate the abuse that happened to you, and mourning it, and all tb losses that came with it.
Remove abusive people from your life, surround yourself with good people (also through videos, books, safe subreddits,…). It’s close to impossible to heal if you’re in an unsafe environment (that is with abusive people). This creates a series of obstacles for healing that make it near impossible to make progress.
Look into reparenting and connecting with wounded ignored, abused and neglected inner child. The Ideal Parent Figure protocol can be very useful. When you start paying attention, for an extended period of time, to how you feel, to your needs – and acting on it – to making sure you’re OK, that you put away toxic people, (…), slowly something in you will start to shift. It sounds strange as an adult to be parent of yourself, but unfortunately for those who didn’t have a good one, that’s the current solution in our society. We should’ve been loved unconditionally as children, but if that wasn’t the case, as an adult we have to give that to ourselves. I know, it’s not fair.
Remember: (emotional) empathy for others is only possible when you have empathy for yourself. Empathy is the ability to emotionally connect with someone, and that mechanism is the same behind being able to emotionally connect with yourself.
Becoming mindful of our own needs and feeling in your body how it’s ok to take care of them.
A lot of patience and time. Our fast-food fast-paced productivity-based society doesn’t like it, but our ancestral emotions don’t follow the speed the capitalistic world desires from people to get back on their feet. You are more important than any one trend humanity happens to be following at a particular time in its history.
Have a therapist that validates your emotions and experience, is empathetic, you connect with, makes you feel safe to express all of your emotions without judgment. Does not push you to do things, but listens to what you need. Nothing else in a therapist matters as much as these points. Your therapist will become your safe harbor with who you can talk about all the things mentioned here, cry with, vent, mourn,…
Connecting with emotions stored in your body through yoga / somatic experiencing. Eg. when doing yoga, and when you’re in the mood for healing, connect with the emotions that arise in your body as you do different positions.
Journalling. Writing helps many people putting down what they’re feeling making their thoughts clearer. In a simple way, trauma is the stored energy of this unspeakably awful thing that happened to us that was never expressed. Pour your heart out about whatever is still hurting you. Make it the center of your life for a while.