A common twin of abuse. It’s not only actions that scar us but also the lack of them. And while abuse is easier to spot, neglect can be as devastating. We can easily see alcoholism, or spanking, shouting, door slamming, critics, mocking and berating. But how can we see what we missed? How can we see that we
- Lacked a mother saying how beautiful, desired and special we are. How happy she is that we exist.
- Lacked good role models from whom we learn how to behave in society with self assurance.
- Lacked emotional support when we needed and felt alone.
- Lacked someone talking to us about our emotions, about and how we feel and how it is part of being human, how to deal with them, what they mean,…
- Lacked boundaries between our parents and us.
- Lacked attention, of being adored, of being seen and heard, of feeling visible, of feeling important, of being held, touched and hugged, of being asked “how was your day?” when you come home, of being noticed to have a black eye and be asked “who hurt you?” with a face of concern and compassion. Or of being noticed that we look sad and upset and be asked what happened.
- Were not encouraged when we were down. Not shown enthusiasm for our discoveries. Didn’t feel that our parents trusted our abilities, and trusted us.
- Were not given the space to be our own individual, to have our own tastes, goals and dreams accepted and encouraged.